Four other places where we’d like to be able to drink wine in public (and one we probably shouldn’t)
Now that we can drink wine and watch Benedict Cumberbatch on the big screen, it's time to find the next target(s) for the oenophile invasion. We've got a few ideas, too
January 5, 2016
It’s official: wine and movies are a great combination. Just ask anyone who’s been to the recently renovated Fifth Avenue Cinemas lately, which reopened in October after a $2 million makeover that included the construction of a bar and lounge area. More important, perhaps, is the fact that its liquor license extends into the theatres themselves, which means you can catch up on the latest independent film while quaffing on a glass of wine. It’s decidedly mediocre wine, mind you. Wayne Gretzky may be a heck of a hockey player but, alas, the the wine that bears his name has no discernible hint of greatness. But mediocre wine is a vast improvement on no wine at all.
In the spirit of helping the city continue to shed its reputation as “No Fun City,” we thought we’d suggest a few other places whose customer experience would benefit from the addition of a glass (or two) of wine—and one that almost certainly wouldn’t.
1. Science World
Rationale: Yes, yes, we know, there’s nothing more inspiring than a child’s curiosity. But as Louis C.K. famously pointed out in one of his best stand up bits, there’s also nothing more potentially aggravating either. That’s why, in the interest of cultivating that curiosity and helping the young minds that will shape our collective futures grow and expand, we ought to give their parents access to something that will grow and expand their ability to endure the relentless inquiries coming from said young minds.
2. The SkyTrain
Rationale: You know how there’s always room on the platform for at least one more SkyTrain car? We think they should fill it with one that serves wine. Not only would it make the morning commute more civilized, but it would also serve as a safety net for TransLink in case of any service outage—which, as anyone who rides the SkyTrain knows, happens more often than it should. “Yes, we’re delayed for an hour,” they could tell passengers the next time, “but at least the Shiraz is on us.
Rationale: Chapters/Indigo gave up even the pretense of being in the business of selling books a long time ago. Today, their stores are filled with gizmos and gadgets, children’s toys and household decorating accoutrements, so why not take the diversification plan to its logical conclusion and start selling wine as well? They could even start hosting properly lubricated in-store book clubs complete with the requisite boozy confessions and even boozier arguments. And if anything gets red wine on it, well, it just adds to their day’s sales.
4. The Doctor’s Office
Rationale: Nobody (well, nobody who’s normal) enjoys going to the doctor’s office, and that’s doubly true when it comes to the ones that specialize in the inner workings of our nether regions. Throw a few glasses of wine into the mix, though, and patients might find themselves attending on a more regular basis, and enjoying themselves more while they’re there. Just imagine how many more people would get those important but often neglected prostate exams if they could sip on a glass of pinot noir beforehand.
5. The Gym
Rationale: There’s already enough anti-social behaviour going on in the average gym—we’re looking at you, guy who doesn’t replace his free weights, and you, lady who talks incessantly on her phone the entire time—without any alcohol involved in the equation. Mixing it in, then, just seems like a recipe for trouble. On the other hand, it might make that yoga class just a little bit more enjoyable.