West Vancouver is giving people flags to cross the street

We have some better ideas

February 17, 2016

By Max Fawcett

You know that thing about the road to hell being paved with good intentions? Well, it’s also apparently best crossed while holding a yellow flag. That, at least, is one of the conclusions we’re drawing from the District of West Vancouver’s decision to roll out a pilot program that will see yellow flags placed in holders at a crosswalk on Mathers Avenue and Thompson Crescent, near West Bay Elementary School. The idea, apparently, is that people who want to cross the intersection will pick up a flag from a holder on one side, raise it the air, cross the intersection and then deposit it in the holder on the other.

Never mind the fact that this is a clear provocation to any nearby adolescent with even the faintest hint of a mischief streak. The more important problem with this idea is that that the odds of the flags being used for anything other than novelty purposes (selfies, anyone?) are about as high as those of a Nickelback song being played at a house party in east Vancouver. But we’re a helpful bunch here at Van Mag, and we wanted to give the good people in West Vancouver some ideas on what they could use to more effectively—and enjoyably—mark the intersection in question.

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1.    Old Canucks jerseys
Maybe you’re tired of the team’s lacklustre play of late. Maybe you don’t want to keep trotting out that Dan Cloutier jersey. Either way, rather than tossing it in a box and letting it collect dust, why not donate it to the crosswalk pilot project, where pedestrians can take one of the recycled hockey sticks, put their favourite (or least favourite) Canucks jersey on top and march across the street in style. Added bonus: the more garish colour schemes deployed by the Canucks in recent years—that red alternate jersey, anyone?—ensure that you can’t be missed even on the darkest of days.

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2.    Human torches
Most of us didn’t get to participate in the Olympic Torch Relay back in the winter of 2009. But now, thanks to West Vancouver’s innovative new crosswalk pilot project, we can all get a chance to make up for lost time. Simply take the torch, light it on one side of the crosswalk, stride boldly across the intersection—remember to make eye contact with any approaching cars and communicate your national pride—and then extinguish it when you’ve completed your journey. The Olympic dream lives on.

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3.    An MLS listing for a detached home under $1 million
If there’s one thing that will get even the most distracted West Vancouver driver to pay attention to the road in front of them, it’s a listing for a detached home under $1 million. No, they probably won’t see it, but the other senses will kick in as backup—and that’s without factoring in the possibility that a sixth sense that detects real-estate bargains has developed in local residents through some sort of hyper-accelerated evolutionary process.

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